Monday, June 15, 2009
I was pretty miserable at my 21st. Mainly cause I did not have a girlfriend, but generally I was lonely, pretty depressed and not really sure I was enjoying life. I was pretty miserable at my 40th. Mainly cause I had spent too many years in the wrong relationship, but generally I was lonely, pretty depressed and not really sure I was enjoying life. My daughter turned 21 on Friday. It was the most awesome and meaningful ceremony of my life.
Ceremonies exist because there needs to be a recognition of an event-a time when something very personal is recognised and shared-a communal ceremony. Baptism, Bar/Batmitzvahs, Confirmation, 21st, weddings and the long string of birthdays, 21st, 40th and 50th etc.
The 21st has the highest level of significance. In my world-its when you 'become and adult'. And what an amazing and significant ritual. My daughter and I were in agreement. No cheesy mix of conflicting generations and silly speeches, no limos, no downing cheap champagne. But in the same way that I had looked forward to my 21st, my weddings, my 40th and had held beliefs of how they should be, there is one thing forgotten in this scheme. Feelings. On that particular calendar day, that special great occasion, that wonderful day that I have finally reached, what will I and all of those around me be feeling? And because it is so important and all that, so very, very big to turn 21, the only thing which I should be feeling is happy.
And when your child, who you love more than anything else in the world, turns 21, as a parent I should feel happy-not so? Its Monday (the morning after, the morning after...) and apart from feeling a little hungover, I feel incredibly happy. As a father, I wanted to give my daughter the perfect 21st. I have looked forward to this moment, well for 21 years. I wanted to celebrate it for me and her. And we did. Not because of a magical perfect party, not because we made speeches and said silly things and definitely not because our plans were all perfect. In fact I feel happy, because none of our plans worked. I was not feeling great, I was stressed by work, anxious that I might disappoint her etc. and generally feeling a bit down. Then it poured with rain and some other great plans fell apart...which led to the reason why Saturday was so awesome and meaningful and why I am feeling so happy. I am happy because my daughter has become an adult. Not magically overnight, it has taken 21 years so far and she will carry on becoming an adult for many, many years to come. And for me, what this is about, what I am still trying to learn and live by is that we should not aspire to the easy road, the smooth and tranquil, we should aspire to being all we want to be. And, if what we want to be is something big, we are going to make big mistakes-and its the making big mistakes, forgiving myself, forgiving others and moving forward that makes us an adult. So, I think I am learning that, but we learn life's lessons over and over, bit by bit, and as long as we are reaching and as long as life is difficult...we are becoming adults
Ceremonies exist because there needs to be a recognition of an event-a time when something very personal is recognised and shared-a communal ceremony. Baptism, Bar/Batmitzvahs, Confirmation, 21st, weddings and the long string of birthdays, 21st, 40th and 50th etc.
The 21st has the highest level of significance. In my world-its when you 'become and adult'. And what an amazing and significant ritual. My daughter and I were in agreement. No cheesy mix of conflicting generations and silly speeches, no limos, no downing cheap champagne. But in the same way that I had looked forward to my 21st, my weddings, my 40th and had held beliefs of how they should be, there is one thing forgotten in this scheme. Feelings. On that particular calendar day, that special great occasion, that wonderful day that I have finally reached, what will I and all of those around me be feeling? And because it is so important and all that, so very, very big to turn 21, the only thing which I should be feeling is happy.
And when your child, who you love more than anything else in the world, turns 21, as a parent I should feel happy-not so? Its Monday (the morning after, the morning after...) and apart from feeling a little hungover, I feel incredibly happy. As a father, I wanted to give my daughter the perfect 21st. I have looked forward to this moment, well for 21 years. I wanted to celebrate it for me and her. And we did. Not because of a magical perfect party, not because we made speeches and said silly things and definitely not because our plans were all perfect. In fact I feel happy, because none of our plans worked. I was not feeling great, I was stressed by work, anxious that I might disappoint her etc. and generally feeling a bit down. Then it poured with rain and some other great plans fell apart...which led to the reason why Saturday was so awesome and meaningful and why I am feeling so happy. I am happy because my daughter has become an adult. Not magically overnight, it has taken 21 years so far and she will carry on becoming an adult for many, many years to come. And for me, what this is about, what I am still trying to learn and live by is that we should not aspire to the easy road, the smooth and tranquil, we should aspire to being all we want to be. And, if what we want to be is something big, we are going to make big mistakes-and its the making big mistakes, forgiving myself, forgiving others and moving forward that makes us an adult. So, I think I am learning that, but we learn life's lessons over and over, bit by bit, and as long as we are reaching and as long as life is difficult...we are becoming adults
Labels: 21 Today
# posted by Ian Mackenzie @ 1:05 AM 
Comments:
<< Home
The rituals are essential, but as you say, the feelings are more so. The ritual is an outlet for the feeling, yes.
Our wedding was one of those rituals. Francis said we had no rules to follow so we made our own. That is true. We had lots of influences - Judaism, Catholicism, South Africa, Australia, Chinese history, European history, being 40 something and 30 something. Lots to include. Flamenco, tango, music, dance. But our main agreement was that we wanted to be with the special people who were coming to enjoy being part of our community, and we wanted to express our joy. Did I give you a DVD? If not, send me your address and I'll post one.
In the mean time, send all love to your adult (can you believe it) daughter. My how time flies.
Post a Comment
Our wedding was one of those rituals. Francis said we had no rules to follow so we made our own. That is true. We had lots of influences - Judaism, Catholicism, South Africa, Australia, Chinese history, European history, being 40 something and 30 something. Lots to include. Flamenco, tango, music, dance. But our main agreement was that we wanted to be with the special people who were coming to enjoy being part of our community, and we wanted to express our joy. Did I give you a DVD? If not, send me your address and I'll post one.
In the mean time, send all love to your adult (can you believe it) daughter. My how time flies.
<< Home
